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In almost a month I will pack up my breast pump. My daughter, T, will be one years old. And I hate to admit this, but aside from the cake, there is nothing about her birthday I am looking more forward to than the cessation of all pumping.
I hate pumping. And I really am not even in a position to complain. I only work 3x a week, and I am in the most ideal job to pump. I have my own office, and I basically can set my own schedule. And my boss was pumping when I returned to work and pumped until her son turned one as well. For mothers who pump and teach, or even worse--pump and waitress, or even more unbelievable--pump and work in the fast food industry--I give you a standing ovation. Standing on the chair. On the top of the highest building.
I have no complaints about my actual pump, the Medela Pump in Style. Although I spent days researching the "right pump," if I were efficient the research could have been done in a couple minutes. I think there are only 2 companies that make breast pumps. (If men had to pump, there would be hundreds of manufacturers, test pumping locations, and there would be superbowl ads dedicated to their sales. Also, they would have attachments that served beer, and might even include reclining chairs and footstools. As they are a solely female need, two companies barely compete for the market share and the pump comes in a purse. or backpack.)
As I have spent considerable hours pumping, I wanted to reflect on all that I have learned from this experience. But I can't say there is much to write. Instead, here are just five basic things I'd like to share about pumping.
1. Don't count ounces, just go with the flow....
When I started pumping my husband and I made a graph where I would input how many ounces I was producing and he would input how much my daughter was eating. It was to motivate me and my breasts. Instead it caused a lot of stress.
2. Old breastmilk smells bad especially in an office with no windows.
As hard as I tried, I could never remove my pump parts without inevitably splashing one or two drops of breastmilk on my office carpet. Dozens of pumping sessions and months later, I fear my office smells like a warehouse of sour milk. I think I am going to need to rent a steam cleaner when this is all done. Yuck.
3. Pumping in bathrooms is the worst. Pumping in the Loehmann's Department Store is slightly better. During a trip to NYC without T I had to find a pumping spot somewhere near Central Park. I considered pumping in the park but it was just too cold. I dropped into Loehmann's and just asked a male sales clerk if I could pump in a dressing room. Unbelievably he responded, "of course!" And set me up in a room and told all the people waiting to be patient. I was so touched. If I hadn't lost my wallet on the trip, I would have bought a nice new purse to support this establishment. Alas, that purchase could not happen. Next time.
4. Pumping while driving was too dangerous for me.
While super efficient, the thought of being pulled over attached to the pump, caused me to rethink pumping while driving. I was all hooked up and ready to go and just thought better of it. I know a lot of woman do this, but I bet they are better drivers.
5. People CAN hear the pump on the other end of a call.
Of course, they probably don't know what it is.
So...with that the countdown begins. And I am so ready to say my goodbye.
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